In my last blog I asked: “do I do it for me or do I do it for them?” Last week was definitely a week for me.
Last week I went to Honiara to attend the 18th South Pacific Nursing Forum and I had such a great time. It was a chance to get out of Auki and catch up with the many other volunteers. These guys have now become fab friends and I find it good for the soul to talk about our similar experiences. We are able laugh about the crazy things we see, to complain about the stuff that frustrates us, we share the sad times and voice the things that are beyond us. Like therapy, but fun.
It was also an amazing experience to meet all the other nurses from around the South Pacific. These events are not only for sharing research and innovations in nursing practice but also a little bit of networking and a whole lot of socialising.
Everybody made a real effort to show pride in their culture, everyday dressed in the traditional clothes of their nation, the conference room awash with bright tropical colours and native flowers. It was refreshing to hear all the great changes and improvements in nursing care that is coming out of the South Pacific. I was especially blown away by Tonga. These nurses just seemed to get it. They were getting involved in politics, economics and policy making. They had enthusiasm, they had vision and they had motivation. They were making a real difference in many ways. I only hope it was catching as the Solomon Islands could definitely benefit from an injection of The Tongan Nursing Spirit!
It was also a great chance to bond with the rest of my team. If you read my blog a couple of weeks ago, I had the great (?) honour of working behind the bar at the Rarasu (the things I get myself into). This was for a fundraising event and we were able to raise enough money for 10 of our nurses to attend. So, matching outfits on, off we went.
Making friends and building trust in the Solomon Islands is a mammoth task and one which is expected to take at least three months. We are informed during our cultural training that this part is actually more difficult, yet more important than the work you manage to do whilst here. Building successful relationships is the highest mark of achievement in a volunteer. It is the reason why we are here.
It has taken me a while but I think I am finally getting there. I am treated like a princess and I’ll be honest, I quite like it. Everything I say is met with enthusiasm, every joke I make is hilarious, I get the best seat, first in line for food, and I’m in front of every picture. Quite honestly, I can do no wrong.
It is a fine line to tread though and I will tell you why. Let’s talk about the men.
Those of you who know me, know that I do not solicit male attention. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it absolutely petrifies me. If there is any chance of affection or a sniff of attraction you will see me running for the hills. Not here though. You can’t avoid it and I would be lying to say that I’m not ever so slightly basking in its glory. And you would be lying too if you said the same. These men are handsome, manly and rugged. They want to have pictures taken with me, dance with me, they tell me I lighten up their lives, that I am beautiful and that they are proud to have me with them. My own rugged warrior. But I am not so foolish and I am careful to not let my rose tinted glasses obscure the true picture.
Here is what the guidebook warns:
It is important to note that what would normally be interpreted as a simple platonic meeting between a man and a women (either in a working or social environment) may take on unwanted significance. This is especially significant for unmarried women (i.e me)
Being seen in public with an unmarried member of the opposite sex or being affectionate with a member of the opposite Sex (ie holding hands) is significant and is considered “showing out”. Showing out can have wider implications since it is effectively seen as announcing your relationship. These implications differ depending on the tribe and your gender, but may include accusations of being “loose”, compensation demands, expectations of marriage or threats of violence.
Not so much fun now, is it?
This week, albeit fantastic has made me reflect on the vast differences between our two cultures. I have been pondering a lot about love and life and pretty much everything really. I have always believed that you have no control over love and emotions, that these were unconsciously felt and more often than not, irrational. Perhaps naively, I expected this to be the same the world over. However, I am now beginning to understand that maybe what we feel varies widely and how we interpret those feelings changes depending on your culture. Nature/nurture? I wouldn’t have a clue. All I know is that I am looking for the things that I think I need and hoping to get the things that I think I want. Makes sense? I feel as though I have stepped into a whole different mind field. There are bombs going off all over the place.
Just a note on the roles of men and women in the Solomon Islands:
There is a strong sense of male privilege and an equally strong belief that men have and deserve a higher status than women.
In some cultures, men still pay a bride price. Traditionally, this was to compensate the bride’s family for their loss in labour but today, it is more viewed as an ownership of their bride. It is publicly acknowledged that significant levels of domestic violence, alcohol abuse and gambling are key concerns for women in addition to most husbands openly conducting extra marital affairs. Unfortunately this a tale both I and my fellow volunteers hear often, spiking an unhealthy trust in the males about town.
Women do most of the work. Those in paid employment not only have to spend a long hard day at work but are then expected to clean, feed and care for the home in the evenings and on weekends. Some rigid practices still remain. For example, the woman is considered “unclean” during Menstruation and child birth and is segregated during this time.
It is back to earth with a bang! I may be unsure on what it is that I think I want but I’m pretty sure it is not this. 
Oh, and did I mention I did a Kustom dance at one of the forum dinners! 
I don’t think anyone noticed that one of the girls was not quite like the others (except for the announcement) 
So, the week was rounded off with trip to a deserted island in the Langa Langa Lagoon. Great food, great friends, great fun. It’s the stuff that money can’t buy.
As we sailed home at dusk, bellies full, skin burnt and eyes tired, I watched as father and son dropped lines for fish from their dug out canoes, young children splashed and played in the shallows, fires burnt with big pots of rice boiling in their embers and washing billowed in the evening breeze and I thought that maybe this week, life was pretty awesome.
annamayventure 